Resolving team conflicts means managing your own behavior, not trying to change others
The biggest mistake people make when dealing with conflict? Expecting the other person to change.
What you can change is your own behavior: the words you choose, when you speak up, and how you prepare for difficult conversations.
Many workplace conflicts appear to be about facts, decisions, or disagreements. But the real tension often lies beneath the surface, in how people relate to one another. Personality differences can help explain why the same comment barely registers with one person but hits a nerve with another.
Key Takeaways:
- Resolving team conflicts starts with understanding the situation and managing your own behavior.
- A disagreement turns into a conflict when personal values, needs, or someone's sense of identity are challenged.
- Understanding what motivates people helps explain why they think, feel, and act differently in the same situation.
- The ID37 personality assessment reveals individual motivations, while the ID37 team analysis highlights similarities and differences within a team.
- Jay, the AI coach, helps you prepare for challenging conversations and practice realistic conflict scenarios.
Why trying to change other people doesn't work
Personality is relatively stable. Behavior, however, is flexible to a certain degree.
How we perceive others often says as much about us as it does about them. We can question our interpretations of someone else's behavior, challenge our assumptions, and consciously choose how we respond.
„Trying to change other people is an almost hopeless undertaking. Failure is practically inevitable.“ – Thomas Staller, Managing Partner at ID37 Company
Conflict itself isn't necessarily destructive. Wherever people work together, disagreements are inevitable. The real problem begins when people can no longer openly discuss their different perspectives and interests.
So the question isn't what the other person can do, but rather: "What can I do to make a constructive conversation possible again?"
That shift in perspective is often the first step toward resolving a conflict.
How to resolve team conflicts: 5 steps to a constructive conversation
When tensions rise, a structured approach can help turn a difficult situation into an opportunity for understanding.
- Identify the conflict clearly. What actually happened? Separate what you observed from how you interpreted it. Focus on specific behaviors rather than assumptions about someone's intentions.
- Understand your own reaction. Why did the situation affect you? Which personal need, value, or motivation might have been challenged?
- Consider the other person's perspective. What might be driving their behavior? Which needs or motivations could explain their response?
- Prepare for the conversation. Describe what you observed, explain how it affected you, and communicate what you would like to change. Ask open-ended questions to understand the other person's perspective.
- Agree on concrete next steps. Work together to define what each person will do differently going forward. Make the agreement specific enough to put into practice.
These steps won't resolve every conflict. But they create the conditions for a more productive conversation, especially when both sides are willing to participate.
When does a disagreement become a conflict?
A disagreement becomes a conflict when something personally important is at stake: a need, a value, a belief, or someone's sense of identity.
Two people can hear exactly the same statement and experience it in completely different ways. That's because their personal needs, values, and past experiences shape how they interpret what is being said.
As communication theorist Paul Watzlawick famously observed:
„Every communication has a content and relationship aspect, such that the latter classifies the former and is therefore a metacommunication.“ – Paul Watzlawick, Janet H. Beavin, Don D. Jackson
In other words, communication is never just about the information being exchanged. The relationship between the people involved influences how that information is received.
This explains why workplace conflicts often remain stuck in endless debates about facts or decisions, while the underlying emotional tension goes unaddressed.
Without understanding what motivates the people involved, feedback can feel like criticism, disagreement can seem like rejection, and a simple objection can be perceived as a personal attack.
Why people react differently to conflict
Motivations are the internal drivers behind our behavior. They influence what matters to us, what we avoid, and what triggers an emotional response.
ID37 measures 16 life motives, capturing the unique strength of each motivation within an individual. Rather than assigning people to fixed personality types, it creates a differentiated picture of what drives them.
Learn more: What is a personality test?
Consider a simple example.
Two colleagues receive the same critical feedback.
Someone with a strong need for Social Acceptance may experience the feedback as personal rejection or a sign that they are not valued.
Someone with a lower need for Social Acceptance may view the exact same feedback as useful information and an opportunity to improve.
Neither reaction is inherently right or wrong. They reflect different underlying needs, not differences in character or competence.
This distinction matters in conflict resolution.
Personality assessments that categorize people into rigid types can unintentionally reinforce labels such as "difficult," "overly sensitive," or "controlling."
A more differentiated approach helps people understand the motivations behind behavior without reducing individuals to a fixed personality category.
For a deeper look at this topic, read: How much can personality change?
How can personality profiles help resolve workplace conflicts?
The ID37 personality assessment helps people understand what drives them, what causes stress, and why they respond the way they do. The results are nonjudgmental. There are no good or bad motivations, only individual differences.
For conflict resolution, three questions are particularly valuable:
- Which situations tend to trigger strong emotional reactions in me?
- How do I typically respond when those situations arise?
- What underlying needs might explain the other person's behavior?
Understanding your own motivational profile helps you recognize your triggers. Understanding someone else's profile can help you interpret their behavior more accurately.
The ID37 Team Analysis takes this understanding to the team level. It visualizes individual motivational profiles, revealing similarities, differences, and patterns that shape team dynamics.
What looks like intentional provocation may actually stem from conflicting motivational needs.
Of course, understanding these differences doesn't automatically resolve a conflict. Both parties still need to be willing to work toward a solution.
A realistic example: Two team leaders, one recurring conflict
The situation
Two team leaders regularly present their work to their shared manager.
During these presentations, Team Leader A repeatedly interrupts Team Leader B.
Team Leader B becomes increasingly frustrated. Tensions build, and the risk of an open confrontation grows.
What's driving the conflict?
Different motivational needs may help explain the situation.
Team Leader A might have strong motivations for INFLUENCE or STATUS. Being in control of the discussion or making a strong impression in front of management may be particularly important to them.
Team Leader B, meanwhile, might have a strong need for AUTONOMY. Being interrupted in front of their manager may feel like an intrusion on their independence or a violation of personal boundaries.
From Team Leader A's perspective, speaking up may feel perfectly natural.
From Team Leader B's perspective, the same behavior may feel disrespectful or undermining.
Neither person necessarily intends to create conflict. Yet their different motivations can turn an ordinary presentation into a recurring source of tension.
How can they resolve it?
Instead of retaliating during the next meeting, Team Leader B initiates a conversation afterward.
They describe what happened, explain how the interruptions affected them, and use their ID37 profile to clarify why the situation triggered such a strong reaction.
Together, the two team leaders explore Team Leader A's perspective as well, using their motivational profiles to better understand each other's needs.
They then agree on a simple rule for future presentations:
Each person gets to finish speaking before the other adds comments or suggestions.
The result is more than a better understanding of personality differences. It's a concrete agreement that improves how they work together.
The important takeaway: Motivations don't explain every conflict. But understanding them can help people interpret each other's behavior more accurately and respond more constructively.
Prepare for difficult conversations with Jay, the AI Coach
Jay uses motivational profiles stored and shared within the ID37 system to help people prepare for challenging conversations.
Let's return to the example of the two team leaders.
Before approaching Team Leader A, Team Leader B can use Jay to prepare for the conversation.
If both team leaders have shared their motivational profiles, Team Leader B can reference Team Leader A directly in the chat by typing @.
Jay can then use the relevant profiles to help structure the conversation, develop neutral questions, and find constructive ways to express concerns.
Two capabilities make Jay particularly useful for conflict resolution:
- Work with real people and their motivational profiles. When colleagues have mutually agreed to share their profiles, they can be referenced directly in Jay's chat using @. Jay helps explore how the motivations of specific individuals might interact, complement each other, or create tension.
- Practice real workplace conflict scenarios. Jay helps users prepare for difficult conversations and practice through realistic role-playing exercises. Whether you're planning to give feedback to a colleague or address tension in an upcoming meeting, you can work through the specific situation before having the actual conversation.
This makes it easier to experiment with different approaches, anticipate possible reactions, and communicate more thoughtfully.
Jay isn't a replacement for a human coach. Instead, it provides practical support for applying personality insights to everyday workplace situations.
Learn more about its capabilities and limitations: What is Jay, the AI coach?
Frequently Asked Questions about team conflict resolution
- Can you resolve a conflict without the other person changing?
Not always. You can influence the situation by changing your own behavior, reducing tension, and opening the door to a constructive conversation. However, lasting conflict resolution usually requires both parties to be willing to work toward a solution. - How is ID37 different from personality type tests?
Traditional personality type assessments group people into predefined categories. ID37 takes a different approach by measuring 16 life motives as individual motivational strengths. This provides a more nuanced understanding of personality and reduces the risk of labeling someone as a "difficult personality type." - How does Jay include real people in conflict preparation?
Jay uses the ID37 network feature. When two people have mutually agreed to share their motivational profiles, those profiles can be referenced in the chat using @. This allows Jay to explore the motivational dynamics between real colleagues and support preparation for specific conversations. Profiles cannot be included without the required consent. - Can a personality assessment replace coaching?
No. Personality assessments and coaching serve different purposes. An assessment helps explain underlying motivations and behavioral patterns. Coaching supports personal development and behavioral change. Jay helps bridge the gap by making personality insights easier to apply in real situations, particularly when working with a human coach isn't an option.
